The non-9-to-5ers

My workplace is very generous when it comes to the 4th of July. In addition to having Friday off for the holiday, we also had yesterday off to celebrate. And since my trip to Puerto Vallarta was cut short, thanks to nasty United Airlines, I had a day at home to run errands, while my fellow cubicle-jockeys were toiling away.

Visiting the supermarket during off-hours is always an interesting experience. I once stopped in during a Sunday night around midnight and saw a few drunk teenagers amid the aisles and this one frail woman who looked like death. Her skin was nearly translucent and she smeared on her red lipstick and eye liner in such a severe fashion that she looked like she had a mask on. She was totally out of it and I figured that she visits the store during off-hours because she'd scare little kids. I kind of felt sorry for her.

And yesterday, as I shopped the aisles, I came across a lady with a parrot on her shoulder! The parrot chirped along to the muzak and they went along their merry way. At one point, I heard screeching coming from one of the checkout lanes and I spotted the lady, sprinting to her bird, shouting, "I'm coming! I'm coming!"

Later in the day, as I was driving to the kitty hotel to pick up Stefano DiMera, a man walked in front of my car wearing baggy jeans, an ornate Ed Hardy hoodie and a clown mask. Just going along his business, crossing the street.

It's such a shame that my corporate life prevents me from interacting with more of these characters.

Alcohol island

Since all of Puerto Vallarta was dry this weekend, Puppy had the grand idea of procuring copious amounts of alcohol and seeking out other activities that didn't involve a bar that served only sodas and food.

Thus, he gave a shady Mexican some pesos in return for the promise of a yacht tour where we could bring our own booze. Yesterday morning, we trekked out to the dock to see if there was a boat waiting for our party of 10 or if Puppy had been swindled.

Fortunately for us, a boat scooted us along, to a little cove where lots of other boats had docked with equally sober passengers. The boat captain threw some Wonder Bread into the water and some beautiful tropical fish started a feeding frenzy. All of Puppy's friends snapped on their goggles and popped in their snorkels and dove into the waters.

As I adjusted a pair of goggles, I noted that several of my amigos complained about getting stung by jellyfish. Puppy lasted approximately three minutes before clambering back on the boat, complaining of sharp stings. Thus, I made the decision to abandon my goggle adjustment and wait for the snorkelers to finish their little fun. Fortunately for me, a few minutes later, all the gays were back on the boat and we were on our way.

We left the snorkeling area and ended up on a nearby island that was serving alcohol! We stayed on the beach, ate Mexican food and drank pina coladas to our hearts' content.

When our time was up, we returned to the gay beaches of Puerto Vallarta, where we sat in the sun with our hidden bottles of booze and ordered virgin frozen lemonades and enhanced them before sucking them down.

Thank goodness Puppy and Periwinkle had the foresight to purchase some boozes and to book a little four-hour cruise once they learned about the terrible Fourth of July weekend ban on al-key-hauls.

Suffrage

So, the residents of the Jalisco state in Mexico are about to elect a new president/governor. And because the state wants people to vote with a clear mind, no alcohol will be served after midnight tonight! What did I do to deserve a dry trip to Mexico? I shall drink as much as possible while I still can.

Puerto sigharta

So, I flew to Puerto Vallarta with Periwinkle's boyfriend and have had a few maragaritas. Puppy's friends have been very kind, even though the weather is totes stormy and gray.

PV isn't quite what I was expecting, but I shall make the most of it.

The elite of the elite

It wasn't until my freshman year of college, when I moved across the country to New England, when I learned about prep schools. I knew of private schools and public schools, but the world of New York prep schools (and boarding schools like Exeter, Andover and Choate) were completely foreign to me.

Now, NYC Prep is airing on Bravo and trying to show the world that Gossip Girl is "reality." The kids featured on this show are awful. Just awful. They try to act like they're 30, but their immaturity shines through. They're so awkward and uncomfortable in their own skin and they put on airs and project who they want to be.

And the one girl who goes to Stuyvesant longs so desperately to be included with the Upper East Siders that she doesn't seem to realize she already is part of the elite, having gotten into Stuy.

And the Chuck Bass character? Roommate J, SameBrain and I all think he's got to come out in some future episode. He has only girl friends and is very much into fashion. And that's only on the surface. Other traits belie his emerging sexuality struggle.

Finally, the girl Bravo chose to play the Blair Waldorf character? Busted face! She is terrible and pretentious and hopefully destined to an unfulfilling life of marrying in her class and popping out babies, while popping pills.

Ho-tel, mo-tel, kitty-cat inn

Since Puppy and I will be away for the weekend, we've decided to treat Stefano DiMera to a "luxury vacation" at a local cats-only kennel.

We toured the facilities the other week and found them to be quite nice, with a lovely lady who absolutely loves cat-type creatures. They even serve guests a little caviar treat each night before bedtime!

I'm a bit nervous that Stefano won't want to return to my boring home where he has no one to play with all day while I work.

Dim-promptu sum

I had to run a banking errand in Puppy's work neighborhood so we just had an impromptu luncheon meet-up. And we stuffed ourselves with dim sum!

It's been nearly 14 months since Puppy and I first floated the idea of lunching together and now it's finally come to fruition, thanks to a quick text message as I was waiting for the bank teller to verify my last name. Hello, food coma...