Token panda

My employer sponsored a table at a regional human resources diversity celebration last night, and thanks to my Asian-ness, I was invited along. As expected, I got to hang out with the HR folks at our table, representing as the only non-white individual!

Some people might be offended by invitations based on ethnicity, or having to be the token minority, but I usually enjoy a free meal. Even if it's the typical hotel banquet fare of a wilted salad, rubbery breast of chicken and dry pastry. But I wish I'd known that last night's event would not include any wine! There was a cash bar upon arrival, but once we were all ushered into the main ballroom, it was H2O all the way.

Good thing the event was a 10-minute walk from my home.

Family time

I can't, in good conscience, come to Hong Kong without seeing my family, but this visit had me missing my parents like ships passing in the night. When I arrived for my night at the airport, they headed to Shanghai, and when I returned, they were still gone.

But after my dad returned yesterday, and after we finally got in touch, he rounded up his brother and sister and they came over to my hotel to catch up. It turns out they (except for my dad, who was traveling from Shanghai) spent their Sunday in typical fashion: at the races.

I felt guilty for not joining my family during my brief time in Hong Kong (and not getting to see my grandmother), but I would have been bored out of my skull had they dragged me to the races. I've been there every single time I come to town and the novelty has sure worn off.

It was nice, however, to see my dad, uncle and aunt for a brief moment yesterday while we were all in town. And it was nice of them to trek to my hotel for a nightcap, but basically we spent the time looking forward to Lil' Bro' Panda!!!!'s wedding.

Turning Cantonese

After a very long day of flying, I landed in Hong Kong a few hours ago. Fresh off the European vacation, my mind started to translate English phrases into French, in case I had to, you know, speak to anyone. But I quickly remembered that I was among my Chinese cousins in the motherland, so forced myself to think about foods - the only Cantonese words that make sense to me.

Even though everyone speaks English, I still try to use some Cantonese when I can. After I collected my bag, I went to the information kiosk for the Regal Airport Hotel, where I'm staying tonight (adjacent to the airport) and forced out the following utterances:

[In English] Hello,
[In Cantonese] I want
[In "English"] Ree-go Air-por Ho-teww
[In Cantonese] I can walk?

It's not unusual for me to piece together some Cantonese phrases to get by, nor is it unusual for me to inflect any English words with a Chinese accent while in Hong Kong. I figure it helps with the whole communication thing. It's a sub-conscious behavior, but when I think about it, I feel like a jackass.

The ethnic minority

San Franciso is home to a zillion immigrants from China and Hong Kong, making Chinese people and food a pretty common sight. Now that I'm in the Boston suburban region, I guess my heritage is sort of a novelty.

A woman in my office - an immigrant from China - seems to view me as a cautionary tale for her own children, of Chinese descent but born on U.S. soil. Every time I run into her, she asks me questions about whether or not I speak Chinese, how I communicate with my relatives and what foods I eat. Yesterday, she asked me if I used to only like American foods or if I preferred Chinese food as a child. I let her know that, when it comes to food, I'm not very discriminating. Not at all.

Her concern, it seems, stems from the fact that her children, age 11 and 8, only like Chinese food that is deep fried and/or sweet and sour pork. She would love for them to appreciate more traditional Chinese food, but they refuse to try it. Is this common for us ABC (American-born Chinese)- types? Will her kids grow out of this phase?

And upon returning to my desk, this co-worker had sent me an e-mail filled with links to Asian resources in the Boston area. Restaurants, grocery stores, apparel shops, etc. And some of these pages are in Chinese, a language she knows I cannot read.

Karaoke auntie

A few nights ago, my dad's eldest sister passed away after battling cancer for the past few years. Even though her prognosis had been grim, she slipped away much more suddenly than anyone expected, suggesting that maybe she decided it was her time.

My dad's side of the family is full of loud, boisterous characters who compete for attention, eat with abandon and are constantly laughing. Clearly, I inherited some of these traits. My aunt, in particular, was one of the louder, more happy-go-lucky of the clan and she was always the life of the party.

One of my clearest memories of her is at my grandmother's old apartment in Hong Kong where she and my father were belting out tunes on a home karaoke machine. Neither cared that they could have used an auto-tune and both were having a great time, just enjoying each other's company and singing into the night.

Due to my work schedule, I'm sad that I'll miss the funeral in a few days, but I'm glad we were all able to gather a few months ago in Vancouver when my cousin got married. She was in bright spirits during that trip, obviously weak from chemo, but definitely stronger than I had expected. Whether it was simply a brave face or a particularly positive period doesn't matter. She still managed to shine amongst the dozens of aunts, uncles and cousins who had gathered for the weekend.

Protect me!

Fiat, it appears, has a soft spot for pandas ... and the environment. Thank goodness they gave the poor guy an airbag!

Barack Opanda

Cousin Lotus alerted me to this very important art project.

Dinnertime duel

If you go to an authentic Chinese restaurant seeking good service, you'll be sorely disappointed. I know this from years and years of firsthand experience, where members of my extended family crowd around a circular table with a lazy susan atop it, rotating food choices around.

Last night, fifteen of my family members went to one such establishment, and somehow I ended up sitting at the end where the waiters and waitresses served food onto the lazy susan and where they removed used dishes from the wheel. One waitress in particular showed no regard for the fact that she kept forcing her way in-between people, often resulting in an elbow to the side of my cousin's head. At one point, she also bonked another cousin's head with a large soup bowl.

Usually, I oblige the waitstaff and lean out of their way whenever they come through, but after several rude intrusions, I decided to stand my ground. When the waitress came through to clear some dishes, she leaned in against me, but I refused to budge.

I'm a pretty big guy, so it wasn't too hard to stay upright, but then she took her hand and started pushing me away. Still, I remained steadfast and refused to relinquish my space. Finally, just as it was getting awkward, she eeked out a soft, "Excuse!" and I relented.

I made her say, "Excuse!" It was a small victory, but a victory nonetheless.

Cruising Vancouver

After a monstrously decadent seafood meal with all the family members in town, we split up into groups and did a little sightseeing, napping and movie-watching. Since this was my first trip to Vancouver as an adult, and since it was such a beautiful day, I wanted to see some sights.

My parents, an uncle and I went to Stanley Park where we walked around for an hour, admiring the redwood trees, the totem poles and the skin-bearing residents. We then hit the downtown area and made our way through the crowded streets, walking around and window shopping.

It then was time to feed again, so the larger family group re-assembled at a Chinese restaurant. I had the pleasure of sitting next to the newlywed couple and I had to do my best to respond diplomatically to questions from the bride such as, "What did you think of my maid of honor?" and "Did you like my wedding colors?" The colors, by the way, were fuschia and neon orange.

And we capped off the night by visiting the local casino, where we smuggled my 18-year old cousin onto the gambling floor and installed her in front of a slot machine. Uncles and aunts placed bets on the horses (races simulcast from Hong Kong) and others played poker and roulette. Since I have an early flight home tomorrow, I returned to the hotel, but everyone else seems to have their gamble on.

Khaki sacrifice

Tonight I lost a pair of khakis to the wedding gods, thanks to my lust for red wine and other alcohols at family events. I guess that's one of the dangers of sporting a frat-boy chic outfit. After reaching across my dinner table to take a photo of some cousins, another cousin asked if I needed a tampon, thanks to the generous splash of red wine that had collected in my crotch. I guess I took the place of my sister as most embarrassing cousin since she couldn't be here herself.

But throughout the ceremony and reception, we all had a good time laughing at the officiant who squeaked throughout and making sure we were the loudest table present (at least when our parents' table failed to do the job).

The wedding DJ played a skillful selection of muzak, including instrumental versions of Shania Twain, Backstreet Boys and Celine Dion (We are in Canada, after all!). Despite the gorgeous day and incredible view, the shmaltzy wedding was cheese-a-rific and my poor cousin seemed whipped into submitting to all the minute (pink) details than he would have really preferred.

Add to that a maid of honor speech that verged on rude and inappropriate, our table had nothing to do but spell out (and draw out) death threats for messing with la famiglia.

Impromptu family dinner

Since Lil' Sis Panda!!!! is in town, she came over to my pad to meet Stefano DiMera and to spend some time with her dear ol' bro. We extended the invitation to our local cousins and brother, and we ended up feasting on some Chinese take-out and watching American Idol.

Two cousins arrived bearing wine, a gallon of Mitchell's ice cream and some cookies, while Puppy and I entertained the cat with his favorite toy. Fortunately for the five of us, I ordered a ton of food, including two orders of delicious steamed wontons. I suspect I ate an entire order by myself.

Thanks to my jet lag, I started fading toward the end of the evening, so it was a relatively uneventful gathering, but it was nice to catch up.

The learning curve remains steep

Internets, I just returned from my first industry-related event for my relatively new company. All the other meetings I've been a part of focused on corporate social responsibility or sustainability, so I felt totally in my element. Today's event, however, was focused on information security, patient safety and electronic health records and man was I confused.

The event took place at the fancy shmancy Four Seasons Hotel, just a few blocks away, but I seriously considered dialing into the webcast since it's raining and it would be easier to sneak out unnoticed. But I decided that it would probably do me good to actually show up in person, get some face time with execs and take a quick walk (probably all the exercise I'll get today).

As expected, it was a stuffy event where I felt underdressed (no tie!) and underage. I sat through some speeches and presentations and understood very little of what was being said. At my old company, at least I understood the concepts being discussed at industry events (denim! sequins! bold patterns!). Here, however, I am totally lost when confronted with discussions of HIPAA implementation, connectivity solutions and prescriptive frameworks.

But at least I got to admire the Four Seasons and learned that, when it's time to start a meeting, it's best to hire a Chinese man to strike a handheld xylophone daintily as he walks through the meeting venue with a dazed expression on his face.

Kung fu panda

On the muni yesterday, a woman who was some combination of:

a) homeless
b) crazy
c) dirty
d) crackhead
e) smelly
f) republican

And she was seated across two seats. She looked at me and said, "Hey Bruce Lee, want a seat?" and gave me a little wink. I said that I was fine standing and she spent the rest of the ride rocking in place.

Chiieew! Chiieew! Chiieew! Chiieew! etc.

Bullet Tosser sent me this video, which made me laugh!

Gourmet

Franny alerted me to this. I should own it, even though I don't do much, how you say ... cooking.

Umbrella, ella, ella, eh, eh, eh

Look what Cousin Steppynose brought me tonight! I kind of hope it rains soon...

Asian persuasion

Last night, after dining with Dyson and GarGar, we met up with Mattress, Beetle and Blanca for some post-dinner, Wednesday night revelry. I happened upon a fellow to whom Gerbil introduced me years ago - a swarthy man of Asian descent who'd never said more than a passing "hello" to me.

For whatever reason, the floodgates opened last night and he spent hours (at least it felt that way) baring his soul to me. He discussed the nature of his and his partner's relationship (what they sought when trolling the internets for fun). He revealed insecurities about being an Asian in the western hemisphere. He lamented the death of San Francisco's nightclub scene. He articulated his love of art and beauty.

Throughout the conversation, I could tell that my friends wondered whether or not they should "save" me. I was willing to oblige, mainly because he kept saying things like, "Thank you for not walking away from me like I'm a crazy person. I feel like you really understand what I'm talking about."

Finally, when he decided to return home, he said, "I've told you things that I've never told anyone else, not even my partner. I've felt so bottled up for so long and I'm not sure why I told you all this, but I think it's because you're another Asian man and for whatever reason, God has brought us here together tonight."

Panda pooch

Selives sent me this photo of a panda impostor (impostinator?). With its wrinkled little face, I have to wonder if this is what I'll look like when I'm aged. Truth be told, the photo scares me a little bit.

Ladyboy panda cookies

Yesterday Selives and Mahogany Sparkle returned from their adventures in Thailand. I think they both returned with their boy bits intact, but you never know - and I'm not going to examine them to find out for sure.

Selives presented me with a box of panda cookies last night! Little hollowed-out panda-shaped cookies with flavored cream on the inside! Cute!

Panda couture, le fin

This one's a boy panda! And it looks like he's an olympian.