Endless salad bar

Today's errands took Puppy and me to the 'burbs, so we decided to reclaim our childhoods and hit the Sizzler salad bar! It was just as I had remembered: wilted greens, processed meatballs, processed chicken product, can-fresh peaches and spongey chocolate mousse! I requested a piece of garlic cheesey toast, and it was good, but somehow, a Sizzler meal has lost its luster since I was 11 years old. Nonetheless, I tried my very best to get the most value for $7.99! And now I feel kind of gross.

Celeb sighting: Slight chance of showers

At lunch today, I was stopped by a gentleman whom I met over a year ago at the local watering hole. He was excited to inform me that he is moving into the city and that he now holds down two bartending shifts at a nearby bar. I couldn't remember his name, and I barely remember him, but he introduced me to his lunch partner, Tracy Humphrey, the weather gal for our local CBS affiliate.

Had my bartending friend not introduced her with the phrase, "If you think she looks familiar, it's because she does the weather for channel 5," I would not have recognized her. So, I thanked her for the warm, sunny day and I went on about my business.

It doesn't seem so elite

Last night, Puppy and I hit the Yelp elite event at The Cafe. I was interested in seeing the million-dollar renovation and partaking in all the free drinks and food that was promised.

The new space is a big improvement over the old layout - it's more open and more modern - but why did they insist on keeping the random vending machine on the second floor? The bags of Fritos do nothing to enhance the vibe they're trying to sell.

It was sort of strange to be in The Cafe with a crowd that was mostly straight and Taiwanese. But we made the most of it and sipped on the complimentary rum/pineapple juice/grenadine concoctions and I enjoyed when they played Damaged.

We also saw this guy, who looks like he's been skipping his cardio workouts and who's in severe need of a haircut. His wavy hair is growing out and the bleached tips of his hair simply look unkempt.

When we tired of the Yelp scene, we made it to Juanita MORE's Booty Call for a bit, where we ran into old friends like Lezzies N&P and Beetle. It's been a long time since I've gone out on a Wednesday, but fortunately it was an early night and I'm not feeling any nasty side effects today.

Congested

Poor Potential Victor has some sort of ailment that causes his little cat nose to produce buckets of disgusting snot! Every day, we have to clean out his little nostrils because he can't breathe through is nose, and by the time I get home from work, his little furry paws are all matted, thanks to his attempts to wipe his nose.

It's no wonder that Stefano DiMera keeps his distance. I just hope it isn't contagious!

The producer

Well, Megan Wants a Millionaire has begun airing and I find myself sucked into another unholy obsession. The premiere episode featured a suitor named Donald who made his millions in the film industry. He apparently produces and directs low-budget movies like Sexy Cannibals in Guinea Alone in the Scary Dark with Little to No Clothing.

In any case, it was a pleasure watching Donald try to woo Megan. He tried to psychic her into loving him, directed her in a would-be movie scene and smooched her little dog Lily. VH1 better give this man his own show!

Locker room talk

My gym is used by stuffy old businessmen-types and ladies who look like they "lunch" frequently. On occasion, a professional sports team may blow through town and use the facilities, but that's pretty rare.

Well, yesterday, after wrapping up my workout and getting dressed to leave, I overheard three very large, very muscular men who seemed to be of the professional athlete variety. Maybe they played arena football or something like that.

In any case, I was privy to their conversation about mutual friends who were "hanging out" with "freaks" who liked to take pictures of themselves using various sex toys. Apparently, these unsavory images of women atop large instruments were making the rounds through this team, by way of cell phones.

They went into pretty gory detail about various sex acts and the way these women threw themselves at these men. One lady, in particular, would bring teammates back to her apartment to have sex while her six-year-old daughter slept in the same room.

It's rare that I hear such graphic (and loud) accounts of sex in the locker room, so I finished my business as quickly as possible and high-tailed it out of there!

Recession potluck

On Saturday night, Buttons and her roommate had a bunch of friends over for a potluck feast, in honor of our tough economic times. For my contribution, I prepared a delicious chicken dip, recipe courtesy of Beetle's sister.

But making the dip may have turned me off ever eating it again. Not because it contains a bottle of ranch dressing or because the foundation is a package of cream cheese. It's because the act of boiling boneless chicken breasts is pretty grody.

Nonetheless, the dip proved to be a popular dish - even better than the fancier, spicier version some lesbian brought.