You have lost ... one million pounds!

Last night, Puppy forced me to watch The Biggest Loser with him, in an effort to motivate us to lose our holiday pounds. Internets, this show is a disaster!

First of all, it features Sami Brady from Days of Our Lives, yelling and screaming and acting all know-it-all and in charge.

Second, it makes the contestants do things like race across a bridge and climb over a mound of dirt. And when you're 400 lbs., getting over a mound of dirt ain't pretty.

Third, it features anorexic trainers who watch the weigh-in sessions with contempt. They pretend like they're cheering on the contestants, but you can tell that they're all, "Fatty fatty boom-blattyies! All of them ... disgusting!" on the inside.

Finally, the producers concoct a ridiculous contrivance whereby most of the team members must separate from each other, causing lots of tears and panic.

I shall probably watch again.