Spawn of

Satyana? When I read this morning that Alyson Hannigan named her baby daughter Satyana, I did a double-take because I originally read "Satan."

But it kind of made sense. The erstwhile Willow Rosenberg from Buffy the Vampire Slayer was, after all, a witch. And a lesbian. According to my friends the Christians, she probably isn't too far removed from Beelzebub himself.

Straight talk

Yesterday, I engaged in some drunken banter with my favorite straight bartender, trying to unravel the mysteries of the straight man's mind. And to do so, I ordered a mai tai - a drink I'd never thought to order before, mainly because I am usually not in a tropical climate. Sadly, the bar didn't have any paper umbrella adornments, so the bartender stuck three cherries into my straw.

So, I littered my sentences with "brah" and "dude" and stuck out my fist for the occasional terrorist fist jab. I brought up the topic of fake vs. real boobs and pontificated on collagen injections. We discussed the merits of bleached blonde bimbos and considered fish tacos.

But despite all my efforts, I failed to learn anything about how straight men operate, so I returned home to watch an episode of Toddlers & Tiaras.

Babies and puppies and cats, oh my!

Last night, Puppy and I attended a very adult dinner party at the home of one of my co-workers. In total, we were four couples, having a tasty feast of short ribs, green beans, cauliflower (I had no idea there was such a thing as purple cauliflower!), potatoes and a pavlova for dessert.

Two of the couples were straight with babies at home, and the host couple had a two-year old dog. Throughout the meal, we discussed our pets, babies and other domestic topics like cooking and watching Dallas on DVD. Had this dinner party taken place a year ago, I'm not sure I would have had anything to contribute to the conversation. Thank goodness I could regale the others with stories of my cat sleeping on my head.

It was a nice, calm evening and I enjoyed myself overall, but when did my Saturday nights become such a yawn-fest?

Celeb sighting: Porn

After work yesterday, I went to the bar to meet up with Roommates A&J and Mahogany Sparkle. What I didn't realize was that the various Castro bars were hosting "tailgate" parties for the porn stars in town for tonight's GayVN Awards (sorta like the gay porn version of the Oscars). Each bar hosted a party for a different production company, and the bar where we gathered was no exception.

Imagine my surprise when I popped in and ran into a half-dozen 'roided up, botoxed muscle men! Among the "celebrities" gathered there were giant Erik Rhodes and Roman Heart. All sorts of little gays were getting their photos taken with them and one group asked me to snap their pic with a disposable camera they'd procured hastily from the Walgreens next door.

Approximately three years ago, I ran into a younger, fresher-faced version of Roman Heart and thought he was one of the most beautiful men I'd ever seen. But last night, it was abundantly clear that years of living the porn star lifestyle haven't treated him kindly. Maybe it was the meth-ridden face or the puffed out lips. I think it was just that he looked dead in the eyes (Maybe he needs a Top Model lesson from Tyra.). In any case, it was kind of fun to see these fellows out, but I really did have more fun just being loud with my friends.

Making friends

Coming home from the gym last night, I took a seat on the muni, near the train's exit. At one stop, a very thin, very wasted young man came on board and flopped into a chair. As the train pulled into the next stop, he stood up, stumbled over to the exit, and leaned his shoulder against the pole.

The rest of his body, however, leaned past the pole and into my personal space. He stood there, staring at me, then meekly said, "Hi." Having been raised right, I said hello back, then he extended his hand in the limpest handshake offering I've ever seen.

"I'm Derek," he said. The two large Mexican girls next to me started giggling out of control and I wasn't sure what to do, so I shook his hand and told him my name. Then he kept leaning closer and closer, invading my personal space, in an attempt to kiss me! I grabbed his collarbone and held him at a distance, but this angered him and he grasped the pole and said, "I was just trying to be friendly. Have a good night, asshole!"

Then, the doors slid open and he slid out onto the platform. Since it was my stop too, I stayed a few paces behind him, watching him fishtail swerve back and forth. When he reached the stairs, he completely bit it and landed on his belly. As quickly as he could, he sat up on the steps, pulled out his phone and started texting. He clearly was trying to convince passers-by that he intended to sit on the steps, but no one was buying it. I took this as a golden opportunity to rush by him and head home.

Not the hard sell

I attended yet another vendor-hosted meeting on environmental sustainability today. Unlike the one I attended a few weeks ago, I wasn't overwhelmed by representatives of the host company and I got to catch up with a few friends from other companies.

Boringly, one of the presentations was exactly the same as the last one. The best part of today's session was that it was held at the California Academy of Sciences building, a facility I've wanted to explore since it opened last fall. Unfortunately, we were stuck in one room the entire time and I had to leave right after for another meeting. But I did walk away with tickets so that I can explore in the near future.

Otherwise, it was a nice excuse to spend time outside of the office, but I didn't learn a whole lot. And after all was said and done, I had to spend only 15 minutes with an account rep.

Finding religion

My co-worker recently returned from her honeymoon and I've noticed that she has taken to blessing people in the workplace.

For example, I overheard a conversation she had with the company that manages our corporate credit cards. When the representative was able to successfully resolve her issue, she declared, "God bless you and people like you!"

And earlier this week, when I helped her out on a small issue, she exclaimed, "God bless you!"

I'm not sure what caused this sudden religious fervor. Before her wedding, she spent much time complaining about the Catholic church and its restrictions which were keeping her from the wedding of her dreams. Now, she seems touched by God and eager to share her love of God with anyone who crosses her path.