Making friends

Coming home from the gym last night, I took a seat on the muni, near the train's exit. At one stop, a very thin, very wasted young man came on board and flopped into a chair. As the train pulled into the next stop, he stood up, stumbled over to the exit, and leaned his shoulder against the pole.

The rest of his body, however, leaned past the pole and into my personal space. He stood there, staring at me, then meekly said, "Hi." Having been raised right, I said hello back, then he extended his hand in the limpest handshake offering I've ever seen.

"I'm Derek," he said. The two large Mexican girls next to me started giggling out of control and I wasn't sure what to do, so I shook his hand and told him my name. Then he kept leaning closer and closer, invading my personal space, in an attempt to kiss me! I grabbed his collarbone and held him at a distance, but this angered him and he grasped the pole and said, "I was just trying to be friendly. Have a good night, asshole!"

Then, the doors slid open and he slid out onto the platform. Since it was my stop too, I stayed a few paces behind him, watching him fishtail swerve back and forth. When he reached the stairs, he completely bit it and landed on his belly. As quickly as he could, he sat up on the steps, pulled out his phone and started texting. He clearly was trying to convince passers-by that he intended to sit on the steps, but no one was buying it. I took this as a golden opportunity to rush by him and head home.