Straight talk

Yesterday, I engaged in some drunken banter with my favorite straight bartender, trying to unravel the mysteries of the straight man's mind. And to do so, I ordered a mai tai - a drink I'd never thought to order before, mainly because I am usually not in a tropical climate. Sadly, the bar didn't have any paper umbrella adornments, so the bartender stuck three cherries into my straw.

So, I littered my sentences with "brah" and "dude" and stuck out my fist for the occasional terrorist fist jab. I brought up the topic of fake vs. real boobs and pontificated on collagen injections. We discussed the merits of bleached blonde bimbos and considered fish tacos.

But despite all my efforts, I failed to learn anything about how straight men operate, so I returned home to watch an episode of Toddlers & Tiaras.