But I don't even have AIDS

Yesterday, Roommates A&J and I went to a local bar where an Andrew Christian swimwear fashion show served as a means to raise money for the AIDS/LifeCycle. We arrived late and consequently, the patrons and models already seemed pretty tipsy.

After getting beverages and situating ourselves with a good view, one of the audience members, a trashed gay wearing a ribbed tank top and acid wash jeans that exposed his bare buttocks, turned to us and said, "They should do this every Sunday." I responded, "But it's Saturday" and fortunately, he didn't hear me and turned his attention back to the be-swimsuited models.

Having missed the "fashion show," we did manage to catch the end of the event where they tried to auction off the underwear and swimwear to raise additional funds. One eager model got on stage and declared, "I'm straight!" before shaking his rump and contorting his body into a pretty seductive pretzel. He threatened to take off all his clothes for everyone's viewing pleasure if the bidding reached or exceeded $55. When that didn't happen, he got naked anyway, prompting a bar patron near us to say, "Straight boys don't wear cock rings!"

Another model ascended the stage and the auctioneer started the bidding at $10. When there was no response from the audience, he said, "Nine?" Ultimately, I think he raised $15. But not from the drunk lady who kept bidding against herself and ended up spending $35 for a pair of men's briefs.

After the auction, models circulated among the bar patrons, trying to sell shots and raise additional funds. One model approached us and asked if we wanted to buy a shot because proceeds went to a good cause. Because I really didn't know what the cause was, I asked. When he responded that it was for the AIDS/LifeCycle, I said, "But I don't even have AIDS." And without missing a beat, he said, "But people with AIDS would really appreciate the support." Touche, model. Since my irreverent response didn't trip him up, we indulged in one shot each.