Um, so yeah...

Internets, you know how you sometimes get into conversations and can't extract yourself and you end up sort of staring awkwardly at the person you're talking to? And they stare back at you with a sort of expectant expression on their face? But no one says anything and it's so strange and you question your social skills?

Well last night was like that.

I represented The Corporation at an event where eager MBA students were looking for jobs, internships, insight into getting a job, etc. My co-worker and I stood behind a table and enthusiastically greeted each student that approached us. We talked about our work, about the opportunities that exist within the company and our experiences prior to working at The Corporation.

Of course each student tried to work into the conversation why they'd be perfect for a position at The Corporation, and more importantly, in our department. Some were pretty skilled at this, but many simply lacked the art of conversation. And this panda wasn't in a mood to help the kids out. If you're not going to be engaging and interesting, I'm going to stare you down until you come up with something interesting to say or until you walk away.

No wonder my co-worker said, "You had so many odd people talking to you who just ended up staring before awkwardly saying goodbye" when we left the event.

A luminescent jade pendant

My mother will soon start to peddle some jade wares online, and in so doing, she has asked me to write brief descriptions of her inventory. But since she's looking for pithy, playful descriptions, I find myself referring to her jewelry with phrases like "a light spray of tiny jade and turquoise [pronounced tur-kwahze] beads" or "two fanciful jade butterflies float with elegant, flowing green onyx tassels."

Thank goodness I'm not a copywriter. I'm no good at this stuff.

Career counseling

Last night I had dinner with Charlotte York, one of my former colleagues at The Corporation. She has since moved on to bigger and better things at one of the city's hot companies, but one that apparently has a crazed environment thanks to its entrepreneurial nature.

Charlotte York and I used to sit next to each other and she really was someone whose advice and perspective I truly valued. She's an incredibly articulate, intelligent, humorous friend and I love the times when we are able to meet and catch up.

During our last few meetings, most of our discussion surrounds life at The Corporation and her hearty encouragement that I seek employment elsewhere. I agree with her that my professional life remains unfulfilling on a micro level, but it's difficult to find employment in an area where I feel like I am having a positive impact on society on a macro level. I fear I sound like a broken record when we get together because I tend to complain about all the crap that goes on in our department. But she's one of the few people who can really relate to what I'm talking about.

In any case, I always walk away with some fresh ideas of what my next professional step should be. I only need her to continue to give me the kick in the pants that I seem to need!

It's not just a competition, it's a career

So I'm thoroughly enjoying The Pussycat Dolls Present: GIRLICIOUS, the shameless trainwreck of a show where botox queen Robin Antin is trying to turn little girls into singing and dancing whores.

Each week the girls explore an attribute that is vital to success as a member of an internationally acclaimed girl-group sensation like The Pussycat Dolls. Last night's quality was "confidence," which I generally agree with as a concept. But how exactly does dressing in little booty shorts with a midriff-baring tank top and knee-high athletic socks inspire confidence? Maybe my ignorance is why I'm not a member of an internationally successful girl group phenomenon!

In any case, my favorite girl is Nichole, an 18-year old Hilary Duff lookalike. Of course she's my favorite. She reminds me of La Duff!

Professor panda

Yesterday, I was invited to guest lecture for an MBA class at UC Berkeley. I'd prepared my remarks with the professor last week and reviewed the slide deck we assembled before the class met.

I'm typically not that afraid of public speaking, especially when I know a fair amount about the topic at hand (yesterday's topic was my job at The Corporation). But for whatever reason, I found myself stumbling through the class period, tripping over my words and feeling like I was babbling nonsensically.

In retrospect, I think what hurt me was the use of slides. When I address groups, I typically make the session more interactive or I simply "wing it." However, since this was for a class, the professor thought the students would want slides to follow along and to ensure that we covered key points. I guess that makes sense, but it's just not my style.

Take your time

Yesterday, I caught the last day of the Olafur Eliasson "Take Your Time" exhibit at the San Francisco Museum of Modern Art. I'd been wanting to check out the show for a while, but finally got my act together when I realized that it was being dismantled after Sunday.

Well, it seems that plenty of other people felt the same urgency since the line to the exhibit extended from the fifth floor galleries where it was installed all the way down to the bottom floor!

Amidst families with screaming kids, artsy fartsy students and the general populace, I waited patiently to experience this delightful exhibition. And it was pretty fantastic. Everything from the kaleidoscope tunnel to the misty room to the super yellow room that rendered everyone black & white - it was all very cool.

But, as I was staring into a bulbous wall that changed colors, I thought to myself, "Isn't this strange? Essentially, we're all standing in this circular room and staring at a wall and not interacting with each other." Interesting stuff, this "art."

But you won't know unless you give it a try

I saw this video on the television today and I remembered just how much I loved this song when it first came out!

More Wholahay Brown, please

Lord knows I love the Fug Girls. And I am quite addicted to America's Next Top Model. So when the Fug Girls suggest an ANTM all-star cast, I listen. And I laugh.

Asian persuasion

Last night, after dining with Dyson and GarGar, we met up with Mattress, Beetle and Blanca for some post-dinner, Wednesday night revelry. I happened upon a fellow to whom Gerbil introduced me years ago - a swarthy man of Asian descent who'd never said more than a passing "hello" to me.

For whatever reason, the floodgates opened last night and he spent hours (at least it felt that way) baring his soul to me. He discussed the nature of his and his partner's relationship (what they sought when trolling the internets for fun). He revealed insecurities about being an Asian in the western hemisphere. He lamented the death of San Francisco's nightclub scene. He articulated his love of art and beauty.

Throughout the conversation, I could tell that my friends wondered whether or not they should "save" me. I was willing to oblige, mainly because he kept saying things like, "Thank you for not walking away from me like I'm a crazy person. I feel like you really understand what I'm talking about."

Finally, when he decided to return home, he said, "I've told you things that I've never told anyone else, not even my partner. I've felt so bottled up for so long and I'm not sure why I told you all this, but I think it's because you're another Asian man and for whatever reason, God has brought us here together tonight."

4, 8, 15, 16, 23, 42

I haven't yet mentioned how much I'm enjoying LOST this season. The series has become my most anticipated weekly show, with clever writing, unforeseen plot twists and striking production values. After three seasons, this show continues to deliver and has a bunch of us at The Corporation convening weekly to discuss possible theories.

But I should've been gone

For whatever reason, Steve Perry has come up a lot in recent conversation. And I heart this song.

Can you dance in a wheelchair?

Last night was the premiere of The Pussycat Dolls Present: GIRLICIOUS, wherein Robin Antin, the "lady" who foisted The Pussycat Dolls onto the world, brings together skanky girls to form a new girl group.

In the first episode alone we witnessed:

* A battle royale over a pair of boots
* A ruptured cyst, resulting in one contestant trying to learn dance moves in a wheelchair
* Lil' Kim's glassy eyes
* A precautionary tale of addiction to plastic surgery
* Hair and boobs and legs for miles
* A frenzied gay choreographer whose "constructive criticism" read like a page out of the script for Mean Girls
* The deterioration of Nelly Furtado's career

You know I'm in this one for the long haul.

California cuisine

I always eat well when members of the Swerve are in town, and last night was no different. IronWoman remains in the Bay Area until tomorrow, so I journeyed over to the East Bay for some home-cooked chili and cornbread, courtesy of Shotgun.

By no means am I a culinary panda, so people who can whip up a hearty meal using fresh, available ingredients always impress me. Moreover, when they introduce an unusual spin on an old favorite - like bits of green garlic to complement the sweet cornbread flavor - I can be downright flabbergasted! This, however, seems to be at the heart of Bay Area eating, and since Shotgun did a stint in the kitchen of Chez Panisse, it's no wonder she's a marvel with the cooking.

And to top it all off, we had cupcakes from Miette for dessert! Last night's dinner was a real treat on so many levels besides the delicious food and I'm lucky that I get one more meal with IronWoman before she returns to the East Coast...

Japanese brunch

Yesterday was GarGar's birthday, so it's been a typically celebratory weekend. After a Saturday night of shots and shouting, drinking and dancing, GarGar assembled 30 of his closest friends for Sunday brunch. Imagine a long table for 30 at a smallish Japanese restaurant (with dance music and a Christina Aguilera concert playing on the television) where diners were taking full advantage of the $6 all-you-can-drink mimosas (except for this panda, who planned on hitting the gym after the meal).

So, I am a big fan of brunch. I love eggs and sausages and such. But the Japanese brunch kind of confused me. Sushi and tempura and terriyaki? Not really what I expect on a Sunday mid-morning. But it seemed to work and I filled up on sashimi and rice - even though I wished one of my bento box compartments had contained eggs benedict.

Celeb sighting: Make it work

Former Project Runway contestant Jack Mackenroth was in town this weekend and I ran into him, promoting some sort of magazine. Jack is someone I've known for several years, thanks to our mutual history of competitive swimming. But now that he was on the television, he was mobbed by adoring fans.

Several years ago, Jack and I had an altercation that ended in me screaming obscenities at him, flipping him off and storming away. But tonight we were very civil and gave each other a warm greeting. I guess time does heal all wounds...

How about something that rhymes with "Jagermeister"?

One of Selives's high school chums is in town this weekend so he, Mattress and I took him out to dinner last night. Initially we were unable to find a cab, but a Pakistani town car driver pulled over and picked us up. During our short ride to the restaurant, we discussed politics, race relations and the blight of crack cocaine with our driver.

At the restaurant, which was essentially the lobby of a hotel, we were one of a handful of tables. I think it was probably a good thing that we essentially had the run of the restaurant because we were a rather loud, drunk and obnoxious table. Overall it was a fun dinner because we had the opportunity to scream and laugh and get a bit tipsy. The fritto misto came with fried slices of meyer lemons, which made Selives wince and Mattress squeezed into one of his two cocktails. And when Selives's filet mignon arrived, Mattress exclaimed, "I want to try your potatoes!" and stabbed the filet with his fork!

Our waiter, named Talon, helped us out by doing shots with us. Selives insisted that we have shots that didn't have dark liquor, that weren't too strong or too fruity. Mattress, meanwhile, added, "How about something that rhymes with 'Jagermeister'?" Talon, the good sport that he was, returned with a round of Alabama Slammers.

Undeclared

Sometimes I like to fib about my life, like on New Year's Eve when Blanca and I convinced a drunk old man that we were anthropology majors at Cal. Similarly, the other night, a little man engaged me in conversation, which somehow led to him asking my college major.

"Physical therapy," I replied.

He asked me what I did for a living and I told him that I worked retail. Not an outright lie, but I followed up by saying, "I'm one of those people who doesn't use their majors in daily life. What did you major in?"

He responded, "Poli Sci."

"Oh!" I enthused, "so you got to study shapes and stuff. Like rectangles and triangles and things like that?"

He looked at me with a puzzled expression and said, "No, I studied international political relations. Poli Sci."

"Oh, that sounds hard. I thought you said polygons." I continued, "I think I like the word 'rhombus.'"

Pillow fight club

I was lucky enough to spend my Valentine's dinner with IronWoman, who is visiting the Bay Area from Philly. A member of the Swerve IronWoman is a dear friend from my college swimming days. Only these days, she continues to swim avidly and I concentrate on making my belly expand thanks to my sedentary lifestyle.

I was pleasantly surprised to be seated quickly at one of my favorite restaurants, despite the fact that we had not made reservations. I think it was thanks to the fact that it was not even 6:00pm when we met up, but I didn't care as we gorged ourselves on shaking beef!

While dining, we noticed a couple entering a restaurant covered in feathers. They didn't seem to mind that a light dusting of feathers covered their hair and their clothes. IronWoman and I surmised that they had caught the Valentine's Day fever and were engaged in a little amorous action shortly before entering the restaurant.

But upon leaving dinner, we noticed that there were feathers everywhere. And people covered in feathers walking around the streets. And more people carrying blown-out pillows, spilling feathers everywhere. What the heck was going on?

It turns out there was a massive pillow fight in Justin Herman Plaza - apparently an annual Valentine's Day ritual. Imagine hundreds of people, wailing on each other with pillows, the air thick with feathers and punctuated with shrieks. It was a huge, lovely pool of free-spirited chaos and it made me love this city even more.

Be mine

It's Valentine's day and love is in the air! Well, here at The Corporation, it's more like sugar that's in the air. Valentine's treats are all over the office and I've already scarfed down several handfuls of chocolates and a cupcake. But I'm not complaining. I'll take sugar in the absence of love any day!

Replicate

Internets, it's my first blog meme! The lovely Gleemonex has requested that I replicate this little activity, so who am I to disappoint?

My instructions:
1. Pick up the nearest book.
2. Open it at page 123.
3. Find the fifth sentence/phrase.
4. Blog the next four sentences/phrases together with these instructions.
5. Don't you dare dig your shelves for that very special or intellectual book.
6. Pass it forward to six friends.

And the result:
"A reputable credit agency has provided a poor credit rating on the third party or has drawn attention to previous liquidity problems not disclosed by the applicant. The third party appears on a list of organizations debarred from bidding on local, national or international contracts. Media searches reveal potentially damaging information regarding the applicant. Research uncovers close associations with local or national politicians, potential competitors, criminals or political activists."
-Business Against Corruption, U.N. Global Compact.

Aren't you all jealous that you don't get to do my work at The Corporation? These are the types of tomes that surround me all day!

I don't think I really have six bloggie friends, but here's whom I'll tag:
http://mofopunkster.blogspot.com/
http://polislag.blogspot.com/
http://www.jphastings.blogspot.com/

Fetal alcohol

Mahogany Sparkle and I may have witnessed a rather pregnant lady doing a jello shot recently. Yes, a jello shot. With vodka in it! We were aghast.

Phone home

Like E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial, I could probably be lured out of a closet hiding place, dressed in drag, if you were to lead a panda out with a trail of Reese's Pieces. I mean, I just ate a tub of them and all.

Strategic planning

Instead of going to work at The Corporation today, I spent the day in an all-day board meeting for The Nonprofit. People at work probably thought I was taking a day off to play, but it was nine hours of heavy thought, deep conversation and pastries!

I really enjoy our board meetings. They're great opportunities to step back from my day-to-day duties at The Corporation, use some of the skills I acquired at business school and to think strategically about an organization I care about. The other board members are really interesting folks - entrepreneurs, CEOs, academics, non-profit leaders - and each brings a different perspective to our conversations. It's also not a shy board and we are pretty successful at avoiding group-think.

But it can be draining to think about our vision for 2011 and 2021 all day. Add to that the fact that we're fed pastries and bread and caffeine all day, I kind of have a headache. I had originally planned to hit the gym after the meeting, but I am way too exhausted...

Year of the rat

Happy Chinese New Year, internets! I don't know whether this tradition is embraced by all Chinese, but our family celebrates the holiday with two feasts - one to end the year together and one to begin the new year together.

Typically, I'm not able to make both celebrations due to work and logistics and all, so I had to skip the "closing" dinner last week. Fortunately, I was able to spend yesterday with the extended family, eating all sorts of yummy dishes which my grandparents had prepared lovingly for the past few days.

And like most every family gathering, we ended up watching television after dinner - last night was the Grammy awards - and opining on our favorite celebrities.

You cut me open

I saw a different version of this video this morning and can't get the song out of my head. Apparently Leona Lewis won a season of the UK talent show, X Factor.

Leona LewisBleeding Love

Do you wanna be on top?

Last night we convened for a party in honor of America's Next Top Model. Imagine a houseful of trannylicious gays, copious amounts of alcohol, a runway and photos galore.

Each person was supposed to dress as a standout character from the show, and my initial idea of appearing as Nigel Barker was nixed (apparently, someone else had claimed that title). So instead, I dusted off my SLR camera, loaded it with film (yes, actual 35mm film!) and half-heartedly pretended to be Gilles Bensimon, world reknowned fashion photographer.

As you can imagine, it was a hot mess of heels, wigs and makeup and most people spent the entire day pulling together their outfits. Several were stunning, some were tragic and others were just plain wrong.

Since Panda!!!! had to get an early start today, I claimed designated driver duties, stayed sober throughout the evening and left early. But from a recap conversation with Roommate J, along with my own unimpaired memory, I can relay the following highlights:

* Mattress, dressed as Jade from Cycle 6, sashaying down the runway, flinging a dog about as an accessory and accidentally dropping it on its head
* Mahogany Sparkle, dressed as "executive realness" Tyra, storming out of the party because Selives kept calling her "Sister Patterson" from I Love New York. It's been reported that Mahogany Sparkle was later propositioned at a convenience store, where he clocked his would-be suitor in the face.
* Racially improper outfits courtesy of PorkChop (Miss J), Throbby (Tyra's mom), Mattress and Roommate A (Gina from Cycle 6)
* A crazy maze of lasers! Courtesy of Selives's impression of Benny Ninja
* Beetle sporting some depends as Lisa (Cycle 5)
* Blanca (as Twiggy) turning the ice bucket into his own personal cocktail glass

Customer service

My local supermarket is big on addressing customers by name. At checkout, before handing over my receipt, the grocery clerk will look to see what my name is and ask, "Do you need help out with that, Mr. Panda!!!!?" It's a nice touch and I appreciate the attempt at improving customer service.

Today, the woman bagging my groceries turned to me as I picked up my purchases and asked, "May I ask your last name?" Not hearing her clearly, I responded, "I'm sorry?"

Robotically, she handed me one of my bags and said, "Do you need help out with that, Mr. Ahmsari?"

Do you do brunch?

I've been in a bit of a funk all week, feeling anti-social and under the weather. I think part of it is due to a mild tummy ailment but part of it simply stems from this time of year. I'm not really fond of cold weather and it never helps that my birthday forces questions like, "Am I really where I want to be in life at this age?"

In any case, Mattress and Beetle had asked to take me out to dinner last night since they couldn't celebrate my birthday with me last weekend. I was still in my haze yesterday evening and feeling sort of blah after yesterday's workplace announcement. In all honesty, as the time rolled around for us to meet, I felt like I would have preferred sitting at home and making a dent in my netflix queue.

But I rallied like a good panda, and I'm so glad I did. We went to a new restaurant (at Blanca's recommendation, apparently) and enjoyed a very fun and delicious meal. Upon entering, Mattress decided that the restaurant would make a good brunch destination and proceeded to ask every single staff member, "Do you do brunch?" multiple times.

Fortunately, the staff was very friendly and they all entertained his inquiries. "Sorry, no, but we hope to soon." "Um, no, we don't have eggs florentine for you tonight."

And the meal was quite lovely. We each had a salad and an entree, but the star of the show was the savory bread pudding we shared. Full of flavor and cheese and other good stuff, the hunk of carb was pretty sensational and it made us all very happy.

After dinner, we retired to watch Lost before I headed home to bed. As I walked home from Mattress and Beetle's, I thought to myself that I'm a very lucky panda to have such good friends with whom I love to spend time. And I was glad to have spent some quality time with them because it was the perfect antidote to my recent dour mood, even if my tummy remains slightly queasy today.

Yellow shirt

Does Panda!!!! typically dress like a slob? I wonder only because I've received numerous compliments on my shirt today - a plain, yellow oxford shirt. It's quite startling because it's not a new shirt and it's not a very interesting one, in my opinion.

After one lady complimented me, I told her that I thought it strange that I was receiving so many compliments on today's outfit. She replied, "It's because you're wearing a woven, and you normally wear knits." I guess that's the sort of response I should have expected from someone in my industry.

Disorganizational chart

I've known for a few weeks now that our department structure is changing. With a company leader leaving The Corporation in a few weeks, it was inevitable that a new structure come into existence.

For weeks we've been ruminating and thinking about the different possibilities. Some potential changes were exciting. Others disastrous.

Well, today The Corporation announced our new structure and ... meh. It's not the end of the world, but I just cannot get excited about it either.

I prefer Dundee

I just don't get it. Are these ugly things really that comfortable? I admit that I'm not a panda that wears the most fashionable footwear, but Crocs are simply hideous and draw unnecessary attention (bad, angry attention) to your footsies. I pray that this trend dies soon.

Super mardi gras

It's Super Tuesday - the day when 24 states are holding primaries and caucuses across our fair country. Several thousand delegates are at stake for both Democrats and Republicans and my home state of California promises to be a hotly contested state on both sides, with 370 Democratic and 173 Republican delegates at stake.

I'm looking forward to seeing how today's voting goes. Will my party nominate Hillary - the experienced, passionate leader who promises a swift plan of action to make change? Or will the party go with Barack - the young, refreshing, charismatic fellow who also hopes to set a new course for this country? Or will it be too close to call a definitive winner?

As a stalwart SF liberal, I probably should be out voting, but instead I don't get to sport one of those red "I voted!" stickers because I mailed my absentee ballot in last week. Why absentee? Because I learned that my polling place had changed from the super convenient garage right next door to my building to someplace up a very steep hill. This panda is all about convenience.

But today is also mardi gras - the annual anything-goes, get-it-all-out-of-your-system day of celebration before the 40-day dry spell of Lent.

I'm not a religious fellow, and it's likely that any good Catholic would want to see me stricken dead, but mardi gras seems like a fun cause for celebration. Certainly any festival that would put either Britney Spears or Hulk Hogan atop a parade float is a-okay by me.

And as a stalwart SF hedonist, I probably should go out tonight and cause some sort of ruckus, but thanks to a late conference call tonight and an early morning meeting at The Corporation tomorrow, I'll probably be watching the election results on the television.

Doubles

Throughout most of high school and college, I endured "doubles" - that is, working out twice a day. I'd wake up at an ungodly hour, lift weights and swim, go to school, return to the pool for "dryland" exercises and more swimming, then return home to study and do homework.

For a brief period in 2002, I returned to the world of doubles when some co-workers and I would meet to run a few miles before work and I would return to the gym after to lift.

I sort of thought that life was behind me. And it mostly is. But I surprised myself this morning and woke up early and hit the gym. I wasn't able to finish a full workout, but I know that I'll be on a conference call at The Corporation until relatively late tonight so I figured I'd wrap up my workout afterwards.

But this morning marked the first time in a long time that I went to my old gym. The one by my home and not by my office. I'd forgotten how beat up the equipment is, how dirty the surroundings are and how tiny the layout is. I'd call it an unpleasant experience, but I actually think I get a better workout at the old gym. Something about the layout and the equipment forces me to concentrate harder and I think the different machines may be more beneficial to me. I think I may have to split my time more evenly between the two gym options.

Thank you for being a friend

Well, today's my birthday and I'm one step closer to geezerhood. But in an effort to cling on to my lost youth, I decided to celebrate with a blow-out bash on Saturday night!

I reserved a little VIP area in the bar and had a great time with friends from all parts of my life. Friends from high school, college, my days in DC, business school, my SF posse... It was great to see so many people from different parts of my life celebrating moi!

As expected, memories of the night are pretty fuzzy, but that's the sign of a good party, right? One particularly vivid memory was when Selives led some of my friends in song, serenading me with the Golden Girls theme song. It was delightful!

I also may have paused mid-party for a minor birthday barf, after which my siblings helped me to drink some water - despite my protestations. All accounts assure me that I remained very ladylike and surprisingly poised. Nothing better than a little boot 'n rally to celebrate one's birth!

And I quote

After last night's blow out celebration (more on that later), I somehow managed to get my panda ass out of bed to meet my siblings and my mom for a lovely, "high society" luncheon. It was delicious and very nice to spend some time together while Lil' Sis Panda!!!! was in town.

Afterward, I met up with Selives, Blanca, PorkChop and ChickenHawk to watch the Super Bowl (Boo! Pats lost...) at a local bar. During the evening, Selives uttered a priceless quote, which I was asked to commit to my bloggie: "You know how long it's been since I've had normal sex without a costume?"

Spelling bee

Last night, Blanca was complaining that his phone wouldn't spell "awful" as he tried to text someone. Strange, right? Well, maybe it's not so strange when you're trying to spell it A-W-E-F-U-L.

Apple bottom jeans, boots with the fur

Blanca and I decided to visit Beetle for the evening, but it turned into a night where I babysat Blanca's sorta boyfriends while Blanca went home with a decades-old crush of his. Of course, I'm an obliging panda so it was all in the name of fun, but I sort of think Blanca needs to cut the cords and dispose of the young'uns who can't seem to get enough of him (it's a mystery). Then he can be free. Free like Baby Spice sings...

In any case, I think I heard this song at least three times tonight. I'm not complaining. Just saying...

The 300

It's my 300th post, so I thought this would be appropriate, even though I didn't really like the movie.